Coeur d’Alene · July 24–26, 2026

The Clay Ashworth
Bachelor Party

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00 — Field Report: Vegas

The Preseason. July 4th.

Before CDA there was Vegas. Clay, Ben, and G-Money hit the strip for the Fourth. No plan. No mercy. What follows is the official record.

JUL 4

Deployed to Las Vegas, Nevada. The city was already on fire.

CREW

Three operators only. Clay, Ben, G-Money.

First time the squad ran lean. It worked.

LOG

Field performance enhancement deployed.

LOG

Vegas nightlife: thoroughly investigated.

No further documentation required.

LOG

Gentlemen's establishment. Recon complete.

LOSS

Ben vs. the house.

Final score: house.

INTEL

A credentialed professional bestows Ben the field designation: PAPI.

Conditions: irreproducible. Status: permanent.

Callsign Acquired

Papi

Origin: Las Vegas, NV  ·  Issuing Authority: Classified  ·  Status: Permanent

Exhibit A–3

Vegas, July 4th
Vegas, July 4th
Vegas, July 4th

02 — The map

The wheel landed.
Coeur d’Alene took the call.

The decision is on the map.

02.5 — The crew

Six men. One groom.

Subject

Clay

Groom · the reason any of us are flying

Not actually a smoker. Once the drinks come out, though, the room starts chanting his name — and somehow a cigarette always shows up next to him.

Best Man

Ben

Operations · Busch Light specialist

Hydrates exclusively with Busch Light. Single point of failure on logistics — do not lose Ben, and do not let Ben lose a cooler. Field designation “Papi” acquired in Las Vegas, July 4th. Conditions: classified. He has not fully recovered from the financial losses.

Blood

KingCon

Conner · Brother of the Subject

Family. No appeals process. Knows the stories that pre-date the rest of the room. Has been instructed not to share. Will share anyway.

Veteran

Seth

College OG · father as of July 2026

College OG. Baby just dropped. Still made the trip. That's the kind of guy Seth is.

The Mark

James

Designated friction

The crew’s designated roast target. He has earned it. He will earn it again this weekend. He will also roast back, harder. He stays.

Architect

G-Money

a.k.a. G-Spot · Greyson

Built this site. Did not pick either of these callsigns. Has accepted both. Will not be taking questions on which is preferred.

03 — The itinerary

Three days. One mission.

D1

Friday

07.24.2026

“Insertion. Eyes open, mouths shut.”

  1. PM Arrive Coeur d’Alene Most crew flies into GEG, drives in. Lodging check-in.
  2. Evening Group dinner Venue TBD. Light pour. Save the powder.
  3. Night Lakefront recon Optional. Stretch the legs, scout downtown.
D2

Saturday

07.25.2026

“The main event.”

  1. AM Brunch Eat. Hydrate. You will need both.
  2. Midday Wakeboat — Lake Coeur d’Alene We rented it. We drive it. Wake-surf rotation, captain rotation, phones in the dry bag.
  3. PM Off the water Recovery window. Shower. Nap if you’re smart.
  4. Evening Dinner downtown Solid floor before the night gets weird.
  5. Night Nashville North Collared shirts on. Boots if you brought them.
  6. Late Downtown CDA bars Move as a unit. Account for the groom every 30 min.
  7. ??? Operating discretion of the crew Off-book. No group photos.
D3

Sunday

07.26.2026

“Extraction.”

  1. AM Recovery breakfast Hangover food. Long table. Trade stories you’ll deny later.
  2. PM Hard split Drives + flights home. Clay must be returned intact.

04 — The code

Seven articles. No amendments.

  1. I

    Article I Attendance

    You said you would be there. Be there. Flake on the trip and you will be eulogized at the wedding by name.

  2. II

    Article II Phones on the lake

    Dry bag, sealed, at the back of the boat. The lake is a no-screen zone. The man at the wheel is not your photographer.

  3. III

    Article III The Groom drinks free

    Clay does not pay for a drink between 14:00 Friday and 10:00 Sunday. Whoever is closest grabs the round. We settle up later.

  4. IV

    Article IV The Lake

    What happens on the water stays on the water. What happens on land is evidence. The man at the helm stays sober — backseat-drivers swim back.

  5. V

    Article V Nashville North

    Collared shirt or you are not getting past the door. Boots optional. Confidence non-negotiable.

  6. VI

    Article VI The Late Night

    After midnight, no group photos. What is not photographed did not happen. The crew moves together; nobody peels off solo.

  7. VII

    Article VII The Wedding

    Clay is returned to San Clemente by August 28 in fully operable condition. No casts, no stitches that show. This is the only article that does not bend.

— Ratified by the crew. Binding on all parties present.

05 — The card

Bach bingo. Mark as it happens.

Tap a square when it goes down. Five in a row wins eternal bragging rights and exactly nothing else.

BINGO Waiting on the crew

06 — Logistics

The boring (essential) stuff.

Lodging TBD

TBD

House on the lake side. 6–8 beds. Booking by mid-June.

Wakeboat TBD

Rented · we drive

Saturday on Lake CDA. Crew rotates as captain. Boat company + slot TBD. Deposit split on Venmo.

Group chat TBD

Open invite

Hit Ben for the link. Mute it at your own risk.

Playlist TBD

Open contributions

Add tracks. Every man brings two. No skips on the boat.

Venmo pool TBD

TBD

Single point of settlement after the weekend. No IOUs.

Dress code

Lake · collared · closed

Day: swim + sun. Nashville North: collar required. Late: anything that’s yours.

07 — T–Minus

T–Minus — days

Boots on the ground — Fri, Jul 24, 14 PT

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